What a difference a year can make

I looked up my blogging account today, and was surprised that it's almost a year since my last post. What a difference a year can make, so many things have changed in such a short space of time and not just in my life, in those around me. Some are happy changes, some are not but all of them have had a huge impact on me and the people in my life.

I've neglected blogging duties and now I'm back tip tapping I've got to admit I've missed it. I started this blog as a way to get my writing out there. Now I have a feeling it's going to be more therapeutic rather than creative. That said, I'll give it my best shot to keep it light and upbeat.

So, what's happened in the last twelve months, well I haven't got time to put it all in one blog so I'll start off being a little self indulgent and talk about myself!

My health has taken a turn for the worse, after being born with a genetic condition I was finally diagnosed as a teenager. The condition presents problems in my kidneys and after spending much of my teenage years in and out of hospital having numerous procedures and surgeries I wound up having one of my kidneys removed in 2005. Following that I did have a couple of years where my health stabilised, I still had bouts of severe flair ups and I'd learnt to live with the constant pain. Throughout my life I've always been able to hold down a job, and enjoyed the freedom from my condition that working gave me. Last year things began to deteriorate, I tried to keep going but the flair ups were becoming more frequent, I was permanently exhausted and after several months of running myself into the ground I was forced into making a decison.

My doctor discussed things with me and made me see that working was just not an option, I was putting pressure on my body that it just couldn't take. I handed in my notice toward the end of last year, and if I'm honest I had mixed feelings about it. I was devastated in one respect, it was almost like I was giving in to the disease, it had finally won and I was admitting defeat. On the other hand, I was relieved, I knew my condition was worsening and by resigning I was taking the pressure off myself.

So, I've joined the world of being unemployed, officially declared unfit for work. Another statistic in the government figures. I've got to say after never being in this situation before that it's not a bed of roses. The system which is put in place to help people in my predicament is flawed, and I can understand the hopelessness people feel. There has been several documentaries on TV recently about the world of unemployment, so it got me thinking whether I'd rate the experiences I've had as positive. I can only speak from my personal view point, and I've got to say most of the people I've spoken to or dealt with have been very helpful and supportive. However, the system itself is complicated and complex, this makes the process of getting what you are entitled to stressful and difficult. The forms are repetitive and often the format means that you are answering the same question over and over again. I've never really been involved in the benefit system, but the more I find myself immersed in it, the more I empathise with others going through a similar process. I'd never really had an opinion about sickness benefit or those claiming it, I was thankful before that I wasn't in that position. Now, I hear about forms being lost, doctors making up replies and inaccurate reports and it's making me nervous. I already feel like I've had quite a few obstacles put in my path and I'm dreading the upcoming months.

Most days my health has me tormented, I take tablets constantly just to get through the day, I can barely muster the energy to get out of bed. I dread the post man arriving with yet another form, or a letter informing me of yet another delay. There must be people who are much worse off than me and I can't imagine their despair when another brown envelope drops on the mat. Even when you telephone for help or information, often you can be on the phone for up to an hour just waiting to get through.

So if I've ever thought that claiming any kind of benefit was easy, or a kop out - I was very much mistaken. In order to receive what the government says you are entitled to, you must first go through this ordeal. However, that said there are people out there who can help with advice and support. I've found help via the local welfare rights office, most council's have their own. Their advice is free and impartial. Also the disability helplines have been a great source of strength and some days just someone to talk to. Don't suffer in silence, if you are struggling with the system, there is help out there.

Like I said, I'm not intending to moan in every blog, but even typing this has helped. Another day, another story and I may even get my sense of humour back!