Too many choices

I was brought up in quite a large family, I had three younger siblings and parents who would probably be considered quite strict in today's society. We had six basic rules of play. 1. Learn to share (toys, food and hand me down clothes were the main contenders). 2. Read body language (my dad very rarely raised his voice, but one look would give you clear direction as to where you were going wrong). 3. Eat what you were given without complaining (no flexibility on this one, no eating dinner, no eating dessert - or anything else until the following day). 4. Always use your manners, wherever you were and whoever you spoke to. 5. Behave respectfully, particularly when visiting other people's homes. 6. Always look people in the eye. (My dad was of the opinion that if you didn't look people in the eye you were hiding something).



I don't feel that these rules were exceptionally harsh, they were there for a reason and I believe we grew up all the better for them. I try to use similar rules for my own daughter (well, apart from the if looks could kill one, my dad did have the advantage of looking like he was about to turn into the hulk. Which kind of gave us a head start. Unfortunately, despite my gallant efforts and hours of practising in the mirror, the only two faces I've managed to achieve are the one where I look like I'm about to sneeze or the one where I cross my eyes. Neither of them very scary so I've abandoned that one altogether.



Maybe I've been running into lots of parents who don't employ basic house rules, but it does seem to me that children are becoming fussier, less polite (sometimes downright rude) and more demanding. It did get me wondering who made them like that in the first place. I know I wouldn't have dreamt of, firstly refusing to eat what my mother had made for dinner, secondly bawling and shouting until I was given something else. A friend of mine used to ask her toddler every evening what he would like for dinner. He would inevitably ask for the same thing every time and when she then tried to introduce something new he would throw a wobbler. We never had those choices when I was a child. Are we giving our children too many choices? Perhaps that's where the problem lies - perhaps we are overwhelming them with choice.



Manners also seem to be a thing of the past, please and thank you's are a rarity from adults these days, never mind children. If parents don't teach their children that manners are a fundamental part of communication we will we be in ten years time? My daughter recently had a friend over to play. Call me old fashioned but I was shocked when I found this child helping herself to food in my cupboards and fridge. Don't get me wrong I have no problem with children asking for things (as long as there is a please) but to just take it upon herself to take whatever she fancied took me by surprise. I've always gone by the rule that no child is allowed to take food without asking first.



I may be getting old, I may be getting grouchy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Children respond positively to rules. It seems to me that the children of today have more to say and choose from than ever before. Some would say that's a good thing. I'm not so sure, I think boundaries are good for children. How will they know when they've crossed the line if the line wasn't made clear, or they didn't know there was a line in the first place?